Here we go with a new Hollywood reboot. But unlike all the other comic book movies with capes and love triangles, Dredd is a slow mo steel toe kick to the face that pulls no punches. And finally R-rated characters are getting R-rated movies! And guess what, this movie is not the crapfest everybody thought it would be!

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Here we go again. Let’s cut to the chase. This review will not be that in depth because this movie is not that in depth. This is the 5th movie in a decade long franchise and it goes absolutely nowhere. By now we all know the drill. Milla Jovovich aka the Director’s Wife returns as Alice. You know what happens next, she wakes up in wearing a napkin in some remote location, gets ambushed by some monsters, she meets some random young girl to protect and she encounters other survivors and they try to get out before their location blows up. Then it ends with a cliffhanger. They’ve been making the same movie for 10 years, and I still do not know anything about any characters. Truth is the first 3 movies were the best because there was a sense of consistency. But the last 2 movies have really been milking the franchise, I mean nothing matters anymore, characters die, but they come back in the sequel. Hell ALICE HAS DIED like twice through the movies, and for some reason the Umbrella Co. keep bringing her back even though she’s the biggest threat against them. And speaking of Umbrella, what the F*** is their motivation now? There is nothing left in the world! Every thing is extinct! Who wants to rule a world that is 98% zombie doo doo?! And why is Retribution in the title! Do they even know what that word means!

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Okay, you do not have to be a rocket scientist to know that this article will have MAJOR SPOILERS, seriously you guys, do NOT read this if you have not seen the new DARK KNIGHT RISES movie. Seriously, I don’t want anyone reading this and being like ‘Yo Ray Ray! Why’d you ruin the ending fo’ us?!” Because if you do, I’m going find where you live, and put icy/hot on your toilet paper! Okay, now that we scared off the noobs, I have a slight bone to pick with this movie.  Read more

Wow this movie was hard to sit through. Seriously, at times I felt like I was being sodomized by Adam Sandler’s  prosthetic penis in this movie (yes, this movie goes THAT far). Now this does not imply that I hated this movie completely. But Adam Sandler’s new movie tries so hard to reclaim Sandler’s glory days that it drags on for too long.

For those who don’t know what the plot is,  ’That’s My Boy’ tells the story of a young teen named Donny, who ends up living out every young boys fantasy and ends up in a sexual relationship with his hot middle school teacher. Unfortunately for Donny, his teacher ends up getting pregnant, they both get busted, and Donny uses his new stardom to become an 80′s sensation. Fast forward to present day and grown up Donny(Adam Sandler) is down on his luck, and tries to reconnect with his successful son Todd (Andy Samberg). What ensues is a cliched comedy that goes through all the story milestones we have seen before. Father and son reconnect, son is reluctant of his oddball father, they hang out, things go wrong, son walks away, and the next 3 mins there is a slow song montage before it all finally ends happily. Read more

Okay, so if you are like me you were actually looking forward to the sequel to  G.I. Joe. With the new cast and new direction, I was pretty sure this movie was going to put plenty of boots to asses (that’s a Rock quote for you). But not to long ago, Paramount announced that they were pushing the movie back 9 months. Now they claim it was so they could convert the movie into 3D, which was hard for me to believe, because that is not a decision you make so late in the day. I mean come on this movie was past the point of no return, Super Bowl ads, movie trailers, even a new toy line has been released. Well it turns out my theory was correct. ( SPOILER WARNING) The main reason the movie was pushed back was so they could film more scenes in with Channing Tatum, whose character Duke, bites the dust early in the movie! And obviously test audiences weren’t too happy about that (especially all of the women), so the powers that be decided to pump the brakes on this thing. I understand some people didn’t enjoy Channing’s performance in the first movie, but I’m not like the rest of the population that hates on a guy just because he is good looking. Us good looking people have to stick together! And yes, I know he hasn’t had the best acting scenes, but he has been imporoving (just go see 21 Jump Street) but at least he is showing up to put in work. But I wonder what the powers that be were thinking-

“Hey you know the lead hero from the first movie? Well a lot of people didn’t like him”

“What should we do sir? We can rebuild him, make him better, faster…stronger..”

“Screw that,we got The Rock, let’s just kill him.”

“F”in A.”

“Now go get me my coffee!”

I’m surprised that a lot of people did not see ‘The Death of Duke’ coming, I mean, am I the only one who noticed that all the advertising featured The Rock in lead? All the scenes previewed and Channing Tatum is only seen in the same scene, uttering one stupid “Security’s Early DUUUUUH” line?! I mean c’mon people! Look at his poster up above, it looks like they just took that s&*$ in his backyard and added windows media flames in there just so he didn’t have to waste anymore time! So I don’t know what this extra 9 months will do for the movie. With 9 months they could practically shoot G.I. Joe 3 while they’re at it. Maybe the will just add a few scenes of Channing Tatum break dance fighting against The Rock, surviving the attack only to end up in a coma, so the movie can go on as planned, and then magically wake up from his coma before credits roll?! And then of course…convert it to 3D. Whatever they do, it better be worth it, because my 2012 summer is missing an action movie. Go JOE!

Men in Black 3, about 14 years after the original this sequel seems to come out of just about nowhere. While the world is busy talking Avengers and Battleships, Will Smith comes back (after a 4 year hiatus) and makes a new summertime hit. The plot of Men in Black 3 goes as this, Agent J (Will Smith, who still looks young for a 40 something), and Agent K (Tommy Lee  Jones) are still partners protecting the Earth from the scum of the universe on the streets of New York.  But when an odd foe of K’s escapes prison and travels back through time and changes history by killing K. Agent J springs into action and travels back to 1969 to make things right.

The story has a lot more emotional beats and action than its predesscor. And outdoes Men in Black 2 in many ways. Sure it may not be better than the first (most sequels aren’t since the first impression is gone), but this movie feels more of a true sequel, and not the summertime quickie Men in Black 2 was. Even though it seems like Men in Black 3 is a sequel nobody really cared for, once the movie starts and that music hits, you’re reminded about of all the things that make this series so fun. Cool gadgets, celebrity alien jokes, really cool fashion sense, and the sarcastic ‘buddy cop’ chemistry between agent J and K. Plus there are some funny time travel jokes that go over well in the film. When a 21st century Will Smith goes back to a 1969 America, there’s bound to be some color humor, but luckily it is done in good taste and doesn’t overshadow the main plot of the movie.

Will Smith is still true to form after four years (his last movie was the depressing Seven Pounds),  he still has that young, charismatic energy that he had back in the 90′s. But the real star of the show is Josh Brolin as the younger version of Agent K. His mannerisms, the way he speaks, even the way he looks is a dead on impression of Tommy Lee Jones. When Agent J travels back in time it is finally great to learn a little bit more of Agent K’s back story and how he became the no nonsense badass that he is.

Well to sum it up, a good summer movie that has all the laughs and sci-fi action that you never thought you needed. But damn it’s good to have that Prince from West Philly making good popcorn flicks again.

Bottom Line- Definitely SEE IT!

P.s. I did not see this movie in 3D, but I kind of wish I did now, after all you get to rock some black shades while wearing it.

And one more thing… look over at my partner right here for me please….

Got ya. You did not read any bad reviews of Men in Black 3. You will not stay in this weekend. You and your friends are going to go see Men in Black 3. You are going to have a good time,  not be a cheapass, and buy your girlfriend some popcorn, candy, and slushies and stuff. Go now! And don’t buy the bootleg. Peace!

Well, it seemed just like yesterday when the first Iron Man movie came out, and blew us all away. Even back then we knew Marvel was carefully planning movies to build up to this..event. Marvel didn’t just make movies, they created a universe, a universe full of heroes from all different background, just so they could bring them all together in one big movie. So how did it turn out? To put it simply…it was Epic.

Marvel The Avengers is one of those movies I still have trouble believing it exists, I mean I waited years for this thing to come out, how does it NOT suck?! This movie by all means could have easily became a big cluttered mess with no character and heart, that fell flat. But Joss Whedon, being the movie god of ensemble casts, was the perfect man for the job. For those uninitiated, The Avengers tells the story of a group of individual superheroes (Thor, Ironman, Captain America, and HULLKKKKKKK!!) are called together by the SHEILD organization to stop an attack on Earth led by the big bad Loki, an Asgardian  from another planet. Just so you all know, Thor and Loki, aren’t actually Gods, like they are in our literature. In this movie, they are kind of like Kryptonians from Superman’s world, they can fly, have amazing strength, and look really cool in freakin’ capes.

It is your basic plot set up for an action film. But it’s the journey and not destination that determines a good action flick , and what works so much with this movie is how these heroes talk to each other. If you have seen each of these heroes in their own movie, than you know doubt already know who they are, and you already have your favorite. And it is good to see everybody personalities intact. But it’s also safe to say not everyone gets along well. It’s so entertaining to see the cocky, loose cannon, Tony Stark get into it with an old school, conservative, soldier like Captain America. It’s AMAZING to see Thor and the Hulk match strength with each other, or even when Bruce Banner isn’t the hulk, it’s nice seeing him and Tony Stark get along since they are both scientist. It’s those little touches mixed with funny dialogue that gives you those nerdgasmic moments. And Thor and Loki are both doing more action this time around, the brotherly dispute adds a nice touch, but it’s great to finally see Thor be more than just a Calvin Klein model than like he was in the first. Joss Whedon, the director himself said that his  original cut of the film was 3 hours long, here’s to hoping the DVD has more superhero interaction for the comic book aficionados like myself. And for those of you worried about Mark Ruffalo as the Hulk, don’t fret. He steals the show, his Bruce Banner is a man whose been around the world and has gotten a grip on his ‘Anger’ issues, and when it comes down to it,  NOBODY, wants to make him angry. It’s funny to see everyone in the same room trying to keep him calm.

But when the talking is done and the action kicks off, and the team finally comes together, everybody plays their role like a champ and the ensuing battle is what movies are made of. It’s like a kickass dream seeing these heroes kick butt next to each other, and I will be going to theater to see it again. The effects are done really well too, so don’t worry about a cheesy budget taking you out of the experience.

Bottom Line: A MUST SEE!

P.s. Stay till allllll the way after the credits. There are two ending scenes during the credits.

 What a surprise this movie turned out to be. In a time where most book adaptations feel full cliches of love triangles, shirtless pretty boys, and bad acting; Hunger games manages to do the exact opposite. Now I must be up front, I never read any of the books that inspired this movie, but if the movie is any indication, the books must be pretty damn good too. Obviously movies can never fully live up to the books because after all, movies are limited by time and budgets, while books are only limited by your imagination. So once you are willing to understand that, you can be more forgiving of adaptations.

For those uninitiated, Hunger Games takes place in a future world that is a weird cross between Mortal Kombat and  Dr.Suess. Where rich and powerful people from the Capitol select a boy and girl from the twelve districts (basically ghettos) to fight to the death on live television. Jennifer Lawerence plays Katniss Everdeen, a 16 year old girl who volunteers to take her younger sister’s place for the latest match. We then follow her as she harnesses her the skill, and will, to become the last one standing at the end of the tournament.

The movie is more than a usual fight to the death tournament. And it is surprisingly dark and violent at times. Sure this movie is no blood and gore fest, the film is edited to leave a lot of the violence to your imagination, but still these are kids killing each other. And it keeps you on the edge of your seat, and a part of it breaks your heart.

A lot of it rides on Jennifer Lawerence’s great performance. She is not your average leading lady. First and foremost she is beautiful, and has a healthy natural look, she’s not one of these stick figure actresses that we are supposed to be able to kick the crap out of stronger guys twice their size. She’s cunning, caring, and although she is vulnerable, she still knows how to keep herself together when the dookie hits the fan. Plus she kicks ass with a bow and arrow. I hope Hollywood takes notes from this movie and makes more unique female heroes like this, instead of just shallow copies of male action characters.

The supporting cast grows on you, particularly Peeta Mellark (Josh Hutcherson), he’s a character that you blow off as somebody that might just add to the body count, but he grows on you just like he grows on Katniss. Woody Harrelson surpringly shows up as Haymitch Abernathy, the drunk ‘coach’ that prepares Peeta and Katniss for the games. Besides, there are other people in this tournament from other districts that are ready to slit throats, and in order for them to survive they need to learn how to win over the crowd and get sponsors. Haymitch is sort of a wreck, but he is fun to watch because he is not a stuck up poser like the rest of the citizens of the Captitol. I was still waiting  for a scene where Woody Harrelson gets caught having a pow wow with the remainding cast of WHITE MEN CAN’T JUMP that didn’t go to prison. Free Wesley you damn dirty crooks!  Lenny Kravitz also shows up, he is the more kinder, gentler version of a coach, plus he rocks the yellow eye liner.

All in all, this was a great movie, as you all know I do my best to not give up to many plot points and characters, so don’t be upset if I didn’t give away every detail. I just don’t like to ruin the story for those don’t know much about it all. Movies should still be able to let themselves unfold. And this is a story that unfolds well, great acting, great production value ( except for some bad fire cgi), and a really likeable lead actress, Hunger Games is a good edge of your seat thriller. Just a heads up, this is not Twilight! This is a NOT a happy go lucky kids movie. It does have a dark edge to it, but that only adds to the humanity and drama.

Bottom Line: A Must See.

Seriously Nic Cage. You my homie, ever since you shot people in slow motion in Face/Off. I know you’re better than this! Look, I’m going to cut the crap. I usually do long detailed reviews, but I’m going just cut to the chase. This movie is ‘aight’. And you know Nicolas Cage only did this movie because he desperately wants to be a Superhero, and since he missed the opportunity to be Superman, he does this crap. If you hated Crank 2 (since it was done by the same team), then you will not like this movie. If you get trashed and feel like pulling a Mystery Science Theater 3000, then go for it! Weak plot, weak dialogue, cheesy action, and since Johnny Blaze spends more time fighting the Ghost rider then using it to kick ass, he never feels like the (younger) badass he was supposed to be. Hopefully they will reboot this into an R rated, darker, ‘Blade’ type franchise. Until then this is a cheap redbox rental. I do commend all the stuntmen for the stunts, but its not enough to make it worth paying a high ticket price for.

P.s. Nicolas Cage I’m still a fan of yours and I know you needed the money for taxes. Loved you in Kick-Ass BTW

Bottom Line: This is a CHEAP Rental.

Denzel! Denzel! Denzel ‘Mutha F—in’ Washington, was there any doubt this would be an enjoyable movie? Really? If you haven’t notice I am a fan of Denzel ‘Mutha F—in’ Washington, because unlike most actors who are just well liked, he is respected. And unlike most actors, he can actually act.  He really is a talent that adds credibility to any project he works on. Oh yeah, Ryan Reynolds is in this too…

‘Safe House’ is not really that complicated of a plot to outline so I will make this brief. The movie tells the story of Matt Weston (Ryan Reynolds) who is just a young guy who works for the CIA and sits in a room all day. He is in charge of looking after the ‘Safe House’, which is where agents go when they need to lay low or take care of some secret agent business. Unfortunately for Matt business is slow, and what he wants, what Matt REALLY wants…is to become a real agent (and kick lots of ass). Well be careful what wish for, because one of the CIA’s most wanted rouge agent’s Tobin Frost (Denzel ‘Mutha F—in’ Washington) is on the loose, and after he is captured(willingly), fate brings him to Weston’s safehouse. While Frost is being interrogated, some unknown forces break in looking for Frost, and Weston escapes with him. Next thing you know Weston is on the run, trying to bring Frost in, while trying to figure out who set him up, what does Frost know? And who can he trust?  What ensues is a story of double crossing, close quarter combat, and knowing that the only person you can trust in this game: Is yourself.

Denzel is great as Tobin Frost. For a man in his 50′s,  he still moves and takes action like a man still in the zone. He gives the character Tobin an edge, you can tell he’s lethal, that he is expeirienced, and you know that Weston would never stand a chance if he ever had to go toe to toe with him. One of the great things about Denzel’s performance is how subtle he can be when he plays dangerous characters, he never looks like he’s trying to be a badass, he plays it all cool, but when he strikes people end up dead.It’s great and it keeps you on the edge of the seat because you never really know whose side he really is on. Now in my opinion, this is not Denzel’s greatest role/performance (most likely due to the script), but it is on par with the rest of his great work so you won’t be let down.

Ryan Reynolds also fairs well, you have to if you are in the same room with Denzel ‘Mutha F—in’ Washington, and he steps his game up. Reynolds is not the usual wise cracking, shirtless, charming hero we are used to seeing. He is a man over his head, trying to prove himself by doing the right thing, and his character goes through the most changes and challenges throughout the movie. You can really see in his eyes, that he is second guessing the life he has chosen for himself.

Performances aside this movie has some of that Hollywood shaky-cam that I do not like. I swear ever since ‘The Bourne Identity’ everybody out there  must believe that a spy movie has to have quick editing, and a shaky camera. There was a chase sequence set in the dark  and I had issues figuring out what was going in. It looked like the director strapped cameras to everybody’s wrist and ankle and told them to go to recess! Aside from the action scenes in the dark, things play much better in the light. This is secret agent world we are talking about, so people get sniped, stabbed, and knocked upside the head with random objects out of nowhere. So you have a tense feeling to always keep your guard up. Weston has an especially intense fight toward the climax of the movie, it’s bloody, things break, and it really does look like 2 men in the fight of their life. It is a great moment, and I really don’t believe Ryan Reynolds gets as much credit for his acting as he should.

All in all, I really enjoyed this movie, I do think the ending battle was a bit anti-climatic compared to the other action scenes of this movie. And when the main bad guy is revealed, you won’t be too surprised to see who it is. But this movie did provide me with good entertainment. Deep down you know if it wasn’t for the star power of Ryan Reynolds and Denzel ‘Mutha F—in’ Washington, this movie would have been an average flick. But it was given new life by these two leading men. And for those wondering, yes, I am aware ‘Mutha F—in’ is not Denzel Washington’s middle name. Danger…is his middle name.

Bottom Line: SEE IT!